Why not Craig Ferguson?

So, Once upon a time as it goes I’m sitting on the couch and there is this man slammed close to the TV with some ridiculous looking horse and some wackedout crazy robot skeleton-thing. The first thing I think is “What the h*** is this?”

I knew he was Scottish right away. My whole life I have been fascinated with Scotland and how awesome is that I just happen to come across not only a comedian, but a Scottish comedian. That is just icing on the cake. I have never seen anyone rip their note cards when they talk to their ‘late night’ guests or look away from the screen to talk to his sidekick or even toss away emails he is “supposed” to read. Not to mention the wise cracks he makes at his producer, Michael. As a beginner fan of Craig Ferguson I looked up what I could on YouTube from his show. After watching about 1000 videos , I later, fell in love with this comedian/actor/author. I was beyond fascinated. 

His comedy is by fact, an acquired taste; in my opinion. I love how his comedy tastes; I try to taste it everyday. For a long time, I won’t get it any of his jokes or won’t like them at all, mostly, because he cusses. A LOT. A little too much some would say. I got over that bridge quickly. He does what his does due to passion and talent, possibly, most importantly, drive.

Why am I “obsessed” with him now?

I’ll tell ya.

I haven’t read his book entirely, yet, but from what I have read about his past really shocked me. I mean look at this man right now, very successful, happily married, and very very funny. Humor like that doesn’t come from a damaged person. In fact, humor like that is a dime in a dozen. But get this, this man, about two years before I was even born, about 20 some years ago, was a drug addict, alcoholic and struggled with depression, greatly, almost to the point of taking his own life.

Woah. Yeah. I know. I had to sit down for the chapter he writes in his book (American On Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot) of that morning where he seemed to be so certain to take his own life. As I slowly read each word describing his thought process, I kept shaking my head; not of digust or shame but of understanding. I nodded and was very still, almost hearing his voice as I read more of the words. I stopped at the end of the chapter and with tears in my eyes I said to myself, “I know. I KNOW.”

So obviously, he was healed. He took a very brave step and got help. After two months of rehab, here we are almost 23 years later and for these 23 years he has been sober.

Hear me when I say this, I am not a drug addict or alcoholic, but, but I do know what it is like to have depression. I am not talking about bad days or a loss, I am talking about a burden that no matter what good or bad thing that happens, it lingers and creeps up on you and slowly pulls you away from living your life.

So now here I am, almost 6 months since I last spoke to my therapist and almost 8 months since I hit , what seemed like for me, ‘rock bottom’. As I read more about Craig from his book, I became so overwhelmed. Tears spilling from my eyes and emotions pounding on my heart I thought, “Now there’s a man I can understand. This is a changed man.” Most importantly, it is possible. Change. 

His story is powerful.

That is a man I could respect.

I don’t like to say that I have heroes because it makes me feel like I idolize people but Craig Ferguson, I guess for a lack of a better word, is my hero. I look up to him because his story gives me hope about myself. I have such a hope about my life that I CAN DO things. That it IS possible. That, this, this, isn’t the end of the road for me. It was so fortunate for me to have found out about the person that is Craig Ferguson when I did.  In no way am I saying that I would follow him to the ends of the Earth. I personally, do not know him. There is a 99% chance that our paths will never cross. Even if I had the chance and was able to speak to him, I wouldn’t know what to say because there are no words can fit how I feel. What am I supposed to say? What? ‘Thank you’? No. That is not nearly good enough. Not powerful enough. Not even close.

That man is brave. I swear to every high power that from that moment he called his friend (that gave him connections to the rehab center) to the moment he wrote down his experience, he has been so brave. To come out and be so honest about his past to the world (especially this world) in such detail is beyond me. That is something I could possibly never do. I admire that. I applauded it. Standing ovation. If I could describe him in one word, he would be exactly that. Brave.  

He’s not perfect. And neither am I. 

Far from it.

But aren’t we all?

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I understood myself only after I destroyed myself. And only in the process of fixing myself, did I know who I really was. ∼ Sade Andria Zabala